We will never be brothers AU
by MarkAngel-01
Summary: Dean and Sam are not brothers, when their parents fall in love they are pushed together, both fight the attraction they feel, Dean makes Sam's life hell and Sam shuts down, Dean finds out about Sams past, what will happen when they act on what they feel.
1. Chapter 1

Dean scowled pulling at the tie that was too tight and hating how hot it was, he watched as his dad paced up and down looking nervous not at all like the cool composed sheriff that Dean was used to seeing. Dean raised an eyebrow as John Winchester checked his reflection for the hundredth time and smiled at him, "now promise you will be nice to her son and be polite." John looked so happy and expectant that Dean just weakly nodded.

He hated this, for the longest time it had been just him and his father, his dad used to be a private investigator and the two of them had lived on the road up until Deans twelfth birthday, at which point his dad had become the small towns sheriff. At first Dean had hated living in one place but it was still just him and his dad and for the first time he was able to fit in at a school and even join the basketball team. He didn't have close friends but the guys on the team were ok and Chris became a decent friend, plus girls loved him.. His life wasn't perfect but it was pretty damn good, or it had been until his dad met Mary.

He hadn't noticed at first, his dad had dated over the years but this time things were different and it took him a while to realise that his dad was acting like a love sick teenager, Dean had been unprepared for the jealousy he felt knowing his dad suddenly had to share his time out. His dad suddenly had less time to watch the games on TV and hang out talking about recent cases and John testing Dean to see if he could figure the cases out. He missed that time with his dad and resented Mary a little for taking him away, but he didn't Say anything, his dad was happy and he wasn't that selfish to ruin that. He had met Mary a few times briefly and she was pretty and smelled like flowers and she had been really nice to him. But he was almost 17 and really did not need a mother figure after not having one for so long, besides sweet Mary had a son and that was what really irked Dean.

He had not met Sam yet, tonight would be the first time and Dean realised how serious it must be for them to want to introduce them to each other, he used to want nothing more than a family of his own. He wanted a mum and a baby brother that he could take care of, he would have been the best big brother and made sure he taught his baby brother everything. That used to be all he wanted but now he was older and that fantasy seemed less likely and less appealing, he wasn't a kid that could just love a new mum and new brother. They were all grown up and too stuck in their ways to be a family, he didn't care that he was being sulky and a baby but he didn't want a mum anymore and he most definitely did NOT want a baby brother.

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Sam nervously tapped his long fingers on his knee glancing at his mum from under his mop of hair, she looked radiant this evening and Sam smiled at how happy she had been just lately. Things hadn't been easy for his mum and he worried about her a lot, he had started taking care of her since he was little, his dad had been a drunk since he could remember and beat his mum regularly. It had taken a long time for her to gather the courage to leave but she had and now it was obvious that she was falling in love again, Sam wanted to feel complete happiness for her but he was scared. He had never met John or his son Dean and he knew nothing about them, it had been just his mum for the longest time and now he was meeting his potential new dad and big brother.

He had always wanted a big brother, he used to imagine what it would be like to have a big brother to protect him and help him protect his mum. The big brother in his head always teased him but always helped him and kept him and their mum safe. He had wanted that just as much as he wanted a dad that was kind, one that didn't drink and hit out all the time but it had never happened. He had grown up and he was 16 now no longer the 10 year old boy having to help his mum sneak out the house after a beating, he had grown up and was finally big enough to protect his mum on his own, he didn't need a big brother anymore.

He felt his nerves go into hyper drive as his mum parked the car, he was scared that this John would be like his dad that his mum had fallen for the same kind of guy again, he was scared that they would hate him like his own father did. He knew his dad was a drunk but some part of him believed the words his dad had said to him constantly for years, that he was a nobody and that no one could love him, if his own dad hated him how could someone else?

Sam never dealt well with social situations, he had learned long ago to be quiet and cautious around his dad, his dads emotional and physical beating taught him he never had anything worth hearing anyway. It had effected his ability to make friends at school he had never had a close friend, had never even had girlfriend or boyfriend, another thing his dad had been right about, he was abnormal, he liked guys wasn't even sure he liked girls that way. He sometimes wondered if that was what his dad saw when he looked at him, was that why there was such hatred in his cold eyes.

"Ready honey?" his mums voice cut through his thoughts and he smiled getting out and following her to the small but nice home, his hands became clammy as she knocked and he waited to meet the two new guys in his life hoping they liked him.

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Dean would have laughed at how quick his dad ran to the door if it wasn't so sad, he slowly followed hearing Mary greeting her dad and a warm gently voice saying a simple "nice to meet you sir."

Dean walked into the hallway slowly deciding not to rush in before he could assess the situation, he felt his heart race a little faster as he took in the sight before him. The tallest guy stood in his hallway a mop of shaggy hair and deep soulful eyes that looked haunted. Dean knew he was staring but could not tear his gaze from the sight, this was not good, Dean seriously could not be attracted to this guy, besides he liked girls.

"Dean, this is my son Sam, Sam i want you to meet Dean, he is a charming young man."

Dean watched as Sam kissable lips turned into a nervous smile his teeth biting his bottom lip as he held out his hand, unsure of himself. Dean felt disgusted with himself as the thought "adorable" flashed through his mind. This was not good, sure he could not claim to be straight he had checked out enough guys but he had made a choice, he wanted to only ever date girls. Besides this guy could potentially be his brother and it was all too close to home for him, setting his features to a slight scowl he briefly clasped the outstretched hand, "good to meet you," he knew his voice sounded cold and saw the surprise in the guys eyes.

It took Sam a moment to respond and when he did he stumbled over his words, his nerves getting the better of him, "y..y...y...y...you too." Dean smirked as Sam flushed scarlet, telling himself firmly that he was not in anyway adorable at all just a complete geek.

"Dean, why don't you take their coats upstairs," he heard the warning in his dads voice, taking Mary's coats he rolled his eyes as Sam fumbled to get his off quick meaning he just got tangled up even more. Dean knew his dad wanted him to be nice but that would be bad news all round so he would be nice for show but no way was he letting this idiot think he liked him. He waited until Mary and john were out of ear shot and sneered as he took his coat.

" Jesus, you always such a moron ," he watched the flush deepen, for a moment he wanted to take that back to apologise especially when the guy mumbled, "sorry," he felt guilty, it was obvious the guy was completely socially backwards. He couldn't understand how a guy that looked like Sam could have no self confidence, deciding to throw the guy a bone he patted Sam shoulder as he passed him, "no worries, think we're both a little freaked out."

"Yeah, you could say that" Sam gave a small laugh.

Dean inwardly cursed at himself as he went to hang the coats up, he had felt the broad firm shoulder under his hand and then Sam had smiled and he wanted to grin back, wanted to become this guys friend and much much more. Shaking his head an imagining his principle naked ad pole dancing he felt his erection fade away, this was not good at all, he wouldn't let puppy eyes convince him otherwise he needed some distance from this Sam.

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Sam sat down nervously tapping his fingers again, he wanted to be far away from here, he had just made a complete ass of himself in front of John and Dean. He hadn't missed the warning tone in Johns voice, which was just great, John thought he was pathetic and needed protecting and Dean was only going to be somewhat civil because his dad said so. He couldn't believe his luck, why did the guy have to look so damn good, he had tried hard not to stare at the guy but it was impossible not to notice Dean was gorgeous.

He could still feel the blush on his cheeks and replayed the gorgeous guys words over in his head, "are you always such a moron?" yeah he was, he was always stuttering like a freak or messing up. Still it was obvious to him that this Dean may be good looking but he was an ass, one that Sam had no intentions in getting to know, putting up walls had become easy for him and Dean was just another person he would shut out, for his mums sake.


	2. just a little change

Thanks for the reviews guys, sorry it took so long, hoping to update more regularly, hope you guys like this chapter the story has gone a little different from the way i originally thought, they will form a friendship to start with but we will see Dean pushing Sam away and hurting him, let me know what you think as I am not sure if I am going too fast with the characters. I do have the whole story written as a guide and will be writing it all and I really like this story so plan to stick with it but will take time to make sure it works, so let me know what you think.

Dinner was a tense affair both Mary and John were obviously trying hard to get the boys comfortable with them and each other. Dean was his usual charming self towards Mary but could not help but make a few snide comments towards Sam which was why he was currently wincing from the pain of having his dads foot crush his.

"So Sam your mum tells me you enjoy basket ball, Dean is on the schools team, one of the best. " John smiled at Sam encouragingly, wanting to give his son and Sam something to bond over, but Dean wasn't having any of it.

"Your tall enough to play but you move like you have two left feet, are you on any teams?" Dean quickly added the question to avoid his foot being stomped on.

Sam was staring at his plate feeling somewhat nauseated, he hated being the centre of things and they kept asking questions and would all look at him. He felt the blush deepen further, it still hadn't recovered from the last question. "I...I'm 6"4, I um, play better than I...I ... walk." Sam wanted the ground to swallow him up whole.

Dean grinned secretly thinking Sam was the most adorable thing he had ever seen, but he would not admit that to himself. "Looks like you may play better than you talk too," Dean couldn't explain the satisfaction he got from Sam's embarrassment, usually he didn't enjoy seeing someone squirm but being this way stopped them bonding which was good.

John gave a warning growl "Dean..." but stopped due to the way Sam had jumped, Dean wanted to make a remark about Sam being a freak but caught a glimpse of the fear in Sam's eyes. It confused him and helped him to stay quiet, surely Sam wasn't scared of his dad, his dad looked a little rough and spoke rough now and then but he was a big softy, unless he was at work.

John looked apologetic at both Mary and Sam, "sorry about that Sam, guess I can take some getting used to, but it is usually the only way i get through Dean's evil thoughts."

Sam gave a weak smile and Dean watched as Mary patted his hand and wondered why they were treating Sam like some kid with special needs. He froze as three sets of eyes turned to him realising he had said that out loud. He gave a sheepish grin and tried to ignore the hurt he saw in the other boys eyes, it was for the best that they didn't get along.

John was ready to blow but was holding it in check for Sam's sake, Sam had only met him tonight and he didn't want him to see him shouting at Dean. Mary had told him all about her bastard husband and the things he had done to her and Sam and he didn't want to give Sam any reason to fear him. Although Dean could use being shouted at for the way he was treating the poor boy, if it wasn't for Mary he wasn't so sure he would have kept his cool.

"Now now boys, lets not ruin our first meal together, John I am sure Dean means no harm, it is normal for guys to tease each other." Her voice was soft and comforting and John felt himself relax at her words, agreeing Dean and his friend Chris did always make fun of each other.

Dean felt smug that Mary had saved his ass until she looked at him and patted his hand much the way she had Sam's just moments before, "Sam is a little more shy than the guys your probably used to so maybe you should go a little easy on him, until your both more comfortable with each other." Dean felt guilt run through him and part of him wanted to scream at her not to act like she was his mum, but she had done nothing wrong, actually she was being more than understanding and very nice.

He fell quiet wondering why what she had said got to him so much, it wasn't until he finally looked up and found deep soulful eyes looking back with hurt etched into them that he realised. He felt guilty for the way he was treating Sam, all because of his impure thoughts about the guy and Mary instead of rightfully chewing him out over it was being understanding and nice to him. Dean felt like scum and decided to try and play nice he could do that for his dad and Mary,besides it didn't mean he and Sam had to become best friends.

Sam decided that he would happily sabotage this relationship his mum had if he never had to come here again. He had freaked out just because John raised his voice, poster child for emotional problems or what? and Dean had called him on it. That had been bad but the worst was that his mum had defended him against the big bad Dean Winchester, he now looked like the loser he often felt. He knew Dean had to be loving the fact that little Sammy needed his mummy to fight his battles for him.

He pushed the food around the plate as he was bought back into the conversation by John, "so Sam you never said if you were on any teams?"

Taking a sip of his water he smiled, "not yet sir, I'm not really what they look for," it was true, he was too socially backwards to ever be in any group that was considered popular, despite his height and his grace on the courts.

John seemed to agree, "I am sure any team would love having someone as tall as you on a basketball team, why wouldn't they want you?"

Dean looked up at that and took interest in the conversation, "yeah that is strange most teams would snap you up, unless you are as clumsy on court as you are off?"

Sam flushed at the attention and avoided looking at anyone and just shrugged pretending it was no big deal, "I can play, i... am good enough, I guess"

Mary cut in beaming at her son, "he really is good he is a natural at the game."

Dean could imagine Sam on the courts and could see him being good, "so what the problem?"

Sam kept his eyes downcast and Dean really just wanted to see those eyes again, Sam's voice was quiet and apologetic, "thanks mama," Then Sam looked up and

Dean wanted to erase that haunted look off the young boys face, "I...I just don't, I'm not liked all that much."

Dean felt sudden unexplainable rage towards the people who had put that defeated look on Sam's face, he hated how wounded the guy looked, "that's bullshit, it should be about the game, not the social order." He knew he was a hypocrite, knew he had been jumping on Sam from a great height for all his imperfections but he had a reason for that. Still he knew that if Sam were at his high school he would treat Sam the way he figured Sam's current classmates did. So he felt the guilt double when Sam gave him a genuine smile that lit up his face and made him look different to the shy quiet boy he was. Dean felt a tug in the pit of his stomach at that smile and wanted to shut it down quickly to cut Sam back down to size and let him know where he stood that they were not friends, but right now he couldn't.

After that moment Dean found it hard to be mean to Sam, he had glimpsed a happy smiling Sam and wanted to see more of that guy, besides he had decided to get along with Sam for his dad. It became important to him for the rest of the evening and the following two meals together that he made Sam smile. At first it had been difficult, Sam really was awkward and shy but slowly he started smiling more and even talking a few times. It seemed to feed a hunger Dean didn't know he had and the more he saw that smile grow the more he went out of his way to keep that smile on Sam's face.

Sam had been surprised that Dean had stuck up for him about being on the basketball team and he had felt a warm glow inside his chest that made him feel good about himself. If someone like Dean thought he was worthy of being on a team like that then maybe he wasn't all that bad. Dean had seemed to change from that point and had become the nice funny guy his mum had described to him. Sam even started to find himself relaxing more around Dean and although he was still nervous he looked forward to the meals at the Winchesters. He still felt nervous all the time but it had changed to an excited kind of nervous at some point and he figured it had something to do with the butterflies he got when Dean smiled at him. he had never felt this way and had never had any friends so assumed it was natural feelings to have when making friends.

School was due to end for the summer holidays and it became clear to both boys that they would be spending a lot of time together when they heard Mary and John making plans. Dean was conflicted over spending more time with Sam he wanted to get to know him more, but part of him still wanted to pull away to keep Sam separate from his life and having him around so much would make that difficult. He ignored the fact that just lately he had been waking up with Sam on his mind and that more than a few times the girls he thought of whilst getting himself off would become Sam at some point. He couldn't let himself think too deeply on that, besides they were just friends, it wasn't like Sam would become a big part of his life, Dean knew who he was and no one would change that, not even a shy adorable brown haired guy named Sam.

Sam was also conflicted about being around Dean more, he had seen Dean pissed off and didn't want to upset him and have to deal with that side of Dean again, plus he found himself opening up a little more around Dean and it scared him. He had never had friends, never been close to anyone not even his mum knew him all that well so it was difficult to trust someone enough to let them in. He found himself wanting to trust Dean for some reason but he was still worried, he barely knew the guy but felt drawn to him and confused about his feelings.

Sam smiled to himself as he lay on the motel bed, he always smiled just lately when he thought of Dean, they were all going to a water park tomorrow, it was going to be fun and he couldn't wait. He had never been to one before, mum never had the money everything the earned between them went into paying for the motel, clothes food and running the car. He figured that was maybe why he enjoyed going to the Winchesters so much, it was a real home, it was small but lived in, pictures of Dean and John were all over and little items that you just didn't collect whilst living out of motel rooms. Then there was Deans room, it was in the basement of the house and more like a small flat, Dean had his own bathroom and even another bed for guests, there was a big TV and couch in the room too.

Yawning and turning out the light he thought of last time he wass in that room playing video games with Dean on the couch and the way Dean had laughed and joked and hadn't minded that all he was capable of was smiling and answering yes or no. Sam had felt good, he had felt normal, he had felt at home, smiling happily and feeling happy for the first time in a long time, Sam fell into a deep sleep dreaming of Dean Winchester in ways that would make him blush if he remembered when he woke in the morning.


	3. The smallest touch

Thanks for the reviews guys, I know some of you are questioning why Sam and Mary are living in a motel, well it will be revealed over the next few chapters, lets just say it wasn't a simple case of leaving Sam's abusive dad behind. Hope you like the next chapter.

Sam was up way earlier than was needed but he was excited about going to the water park, he had never been to one before and he felt like a big kid when he thought of what fun it would be. He wasn't one for acting childish, he had grown up way to quick and it showed in the way he treated everything in his life, he was always so serious. Dean was opposite, he had become animated as soon as he learned they were going to the park, he had been so enthusiastic that it had rubbed off on Sam. Whilst Sam refused to let himself jump around like he wanted to, he definitely felt different, younger and really couldn't wait to get going.

He wasn't surprised to find his mum already sitting on one of the comfy chairs reading the paper, she was an early riser, always had been, always had to be. He smiled at the mess cluttering the small kitchen area, his mum was usually so anal about tidying any sort of mess Sam had been too, When they had finally started to move on his mum had declared one day that they were only allowed to clean up twice a day because a little mess never hurt anyone. Being a teenager Sam had taken to this new rule like a duck to water and loved seeing his mum leave a mess, instead of worrying over every speck of dust in case it earned her a punch.

Shaking his head and joining his mum with breakfast Sam tried hard to focus on that happy feeling and not think of his dad. He thought of Dean and instantly felt a little lighter and happier, so it was with a smile that he kissed his mum on her cheek. "morning mom."

"Morning honey, your up early, something exciting getting you out of bed at this time?" Mary grinned at him a pure happy grin, one he couldn't help but return.

Taking a seat and puring some cereal he tried to control the grin on his face but found it harder the more he tried and suddenly they were both laughing, both feeling happy. Sam knew most people would think they were insane, or most teenage guys wouldn't give their mum the time of day let alone laugh over nothing with her.

It wasn't nothing though, she was happy, for the first time in the longest time his mum was happy, he was too, he was still scared and cautious about this new life but he loved seeing his mum so happy. They had shared enough tears together to last them a lifetime, not enough happy times like right now and he felt free for the first time in a long time. He loved his mum, she had been his best friend for many years now and he would never want to be without her, but sometimes it was too much.

He always worried about her, it had become his job over the years to protect her and to help keep her alive through the worst of it. He had learned at an early age not to give his mum extra work, to always clean up after himself, to always do as he was told the first time to do what he could to stop his dad hitting her. 

When he was younger all he could do was try and prevent the abuse his mum received by tidying and not making any noise or being any trouble. He helped his mum heal after by doing jobs and learning to be grown up and be serious, it wasn't until he was a little older that he had started trying to stand between his dad and his mum, to protect her. It was a waste of time, all he did was let his father know he was old enough to be beaten too. Still whenever it happened he took care of his mum she always received the worst of it and he would be grown up and not cry and would do what needed to be done. 

When they had left the last time, he had realised this time was for good, she wouldn't go back again not after what his dad had done. Sam's hand moved to rub his side not feeling anything but knowing the scar that was hidden by his t shirt, big and ugly just like the memory of that night, one he choose not to remember.

When they had left for good he had hoped it was over, that he wouldn't have to be the strong one anymore but he was wrong. His mum needed him more than ever, she wasn't strong back then and knew little about being on her own. They had found themselves at places for abused wives and children, they were nice people but the letters would always come and they would always move.

He realised after a while that his mum was running from his dad, he realised that even after what he did she was still unable to stand up to him. She was terrified of him finding her because she would go back to him and believe his lies and think the tears were genuine. So Sam had to look after her to keep her strong, to always be one step ahead of his dad and slowly they had found a way to live that way.

So now and then Sam wished he didn't have to be the strong one, that someone else would do it, he always felt guilty for feeling like his mum was a burden but sometimes it was too much. Just lately he had noticed that his mum no longer needed him as much as she once had, he was sure that was to do with John. John was a strong and kind man and really cared for his mum and looked after her. 

He was still torn over that feeling, unsure about John just replacing him that way but part of him wanted to give all the responsibility to john, to be a teenager and make mistakes but he couldn't let go, not yet. Still today he felt lighter, all because the way he was laughing with his mum, all because they were happy.

Dean smiled as his dad hummed along to the music in the car, it was some old country song his dad would have no interest in normally but lately he had been happier. Dean knew it was down to Mary, she was wonderful and he saw how much his dad was falling for her. He found it hard to be angry about that, still some part of him resented her for waltzing into their lives like she had.

Then there was Sam, they guy fascinated him to no end, he was this gorgeous smart guy that was fun to be around, but he had zero confidence. It made no sense to Dean how a guy like that could be so shy and awkward, he assumed that possibly Sam had some kind of disorder when it came to the social side of things, it was the only thing that explained why Sam was the way he was.

He was slowly warming up to Dean and he was constantly teasing Dean with glimpses of the guy he could be if he got past these hang ups. Dean found it frustrating and puzzling and it was why he enjoyed the time they spent together, or so he told himself. It gave him more time to get to know him to see past the shy quiet guy, he was just glad that he would never have to let his friends meet Sam, he would never live it down. Still it was unlikely that Sam would ever become a part of his world to that degree so for now he could hang out with the loser and not get shit for it. He winced as he considered Sam a loser because really Sam wasn't but to his friends Sam would definitely fall into the loser category. 

He felt bad to think of that especially as Sam was so sweet and unaware of how dean ranked him in the grand scheme of things. It made him feel sick to think of Sam ever finding out he didn't even want to imagine the hurt in those deep brown eyes. Still Dean knew he would drop Sam in a second if their friendship threatened his current status among his friends and class mates, and that knowledge made him feel even worse about himself. 

He felt even worse as they pulled up outside a motel and Sam came through the door obviously trying to control a grin splitting across his face and failing miserably. As they locked up Dean glanced at his dad, "why they staying here?"

Dean noticed the way his dad tensed slightly and didn't miss the warning in his dads voice despite him talking casually, "they had a problem at their place, best not to mention it to much."

Dean nodded and smiled as Sam climbed in the back next to him, his mind was still on the reason why they were in this crappy motel and not a home. He tried thinking what kind of problem would cause them to move into a motel but he had a big distraction sitting next to him. Said distraction was grinning at him and it was contagious because he found himself grinning back, he couldn't help but notice Sam long legs seeing as he was wearing shorts and Dean was surprised at how tanned the guy was. He was thankful he had left his sunglasses on it allowed him to look at Sam without Sam questioning him, not that he would he would just become uncomfortable and squirm. Dean enjoyed it when he squirmed and was uncomfortable but he also liked when Sam was carefree like he was today.

Mary as usual started talking, keeping conversation flowing between the four of them, its was nice and effortless unlike Deans private conversations with Sam. Dean smiled as he allowed himself to fully take in the other boy, he felt a thrill of excitement at the thought of seeing Sam topless in the water. Such thoughts were not what he needed right now so he focused on the talk of the water park, Mary wanted to know if he had been before, which he had a ton of times.

As they were talking he had somehow moved his leg more toward the middle of the backseat and Sam's too long legs already spread out taking up room. A bolt of pleasure ran through Deans leg to his groin as his knee touched Sam's, both boys tensed but neither pulled away at first. Dean found it difficult to talk after that and was thankful when a favorite tune of his dad came on and was blasted out killing all conversation. 

Dean could still feel the warmth of Sam's knee against his own and glanced at Sam who was no longer grinning but smiling a secret smile much like the one on his own lips. It was easy to move his leg again bringing their knees into contact and to anyone else it would seem like innocent touching but to Dean it was so much more. He wasn't sure what Sam made of it but he felt like it was almost a game and the longer he kept his knee pressed against Sam's the more he won, what he won he didn't know but it felt good so he didn't stop. 

At one point Sam shifted slightly trying to get comfortable and Dean thought that maybe he was trying to tell him to respect his personal space as he pulled his leg away. Dean was mentally cursing himself for being such an idiot when he felt the familiar warmth of Sam leg against his and all thought left him as butterflies seemed to rampage in his stomach. 

Sam wasn't thinking too much either, Dean puzzled him a lot he was many things and it was confusing to try and figure him out. When their legs had touched at first Sam had felt unsure wanting to pull away and wanting to apologise to Dean. Then Dean had done it again and again and each time Sam started getting this strange but pleasant feeling in his stomach. It started to feel like a game a private one between them he was reminded of the way the boys in his class would pull the hair of the girls and for some reason that thought made him blush. He wasn't a girl and boys did that because they liked the girls and Dean didn't think of him that way. Dean was just being friendly it was probably normal for him to touch friends like this, Sam knew it was just him taking it the wrong way.

He had started to feel numb as the sat there in one position and had attempted to get comfy which resulted in his leg moving away from Deans. For a moment he was sure the moment was broken but as he dared a glance at Dean he was sure he saw disappointment on his face. So tentatively he had brushed his leg against Deans and saw a small smile come back to his lips making him smile too, the feeling spreading through him felt nice he had felt it a few times before. Usually it was when he was really excited about something, but not just any old thing but something really special, like Christmas or a book he had been waiting forever for finally being his, or someone he liked smiling at him. 

He wondered if it was normal to feel like this with a friend to like these innocent touches so much, was it right to feel excited and nervous at the same time. Part of him felt like he was doing something wrong and that at any moment John would realise they were playing their own version of footsie and he would never see Dean again. Maybe it wasn't normal to feel this way just because their knees were touching. He had never had a friend before but he was fairly sure that when friends touched they did so because it didn't cause these kinds of feelings, it was innocent. This may look innocent but to Sam it was causing feelings not so innocent, perhaps he was reading too much into it but when they finally parked Sam practically jumped out the car glad to have a good excuse to pull away from Dean. It may not be making Dean feel anything but it was causing all kinds of feelings inside him.

Dean however was not so thankful, it felt like some kind of magic had been broken and they were no longer in their own world and now confusion was crashing in on him. He could not ignore what feelings he had felt in the car as easily now, it was more difficult to explain away when he wasn't with Sam. Deciding he didn't want to spend today tormented over what he felt for the brunette Dean walked over to Sam grabbed his elbow deciding it was a friendly place to touch and waved to their parents a he guided Sam into the park. 

"we'll catch up with you later at the usual place," he knew his dad knew where Dean meant they always ate at the same joint when they came here.

Sam was startled at first and then just fell into step besides dean and felt a little disappointed when Dean let go of him, "the usual place?"

"yeah there is this awesome restaurant always does the best choice of food, me and dad always meet up there around lunch time, i just figured we could hang out if that's OK." Dean smiled finding the row of lockers and throwing his stuff in it.

Sam watched as Dean took off his shirt and for a moment couldn't think of much except the freckles dusting his chest and the light tan that covered him. Then there was the toned muscles, Sam let his eyes wander down the firm stomach to the waistband of his shorts, as Dean took off his shorts revealing swim shorts Sam found himself wanting to see the rest of Deans body. The swim shorts were big baggy shorts like his own and it was impossible to tell much but he wanted to see more. 

Deans cough bought him out of his thoughts and he looked into his amused eyes, but there was something else there something he couldn't place. Sam felt his cheeks flush red and muttered a "sorry" as he quickly put his stuff into a locker.

Dean grinned at Sam's response he had enjoyed watching Sam's reaction to seeing his body, he knew he had a good one plenty of people took notice, but right there and then he had just wanted to get Sam's attention and he had. All worrying thoughts left his mind when he was with Sam and he found this game they seemed to be playing intoxicating. 

He was disappointed to see Sam closing his locker without taking his t shirt off, "you know most people plan to get wet when they come here so you may be better off getting rid of the shirt."

Sam smiled but it seemed forced and he carried on closing his locker, "I.. I prefer wearing one whilst I go swimming."

Dean didn't push it, despite wanting to see what Sam looked like he could tell Sam was uncomfortable about it and figured it had something to do with how he looked. Sam seemed to have that body dysmorphia because from what Dean could tell Sam was actually more built than he was and had nothing to hide. Still the guy had self esteem issues and Dean didn't want to ruin the good mood they had going. "Totally up to you dude, lets grab a drink before hitting the water."

Sam was thankful that Dean didn't push the issue, he wished he could just take his top off and walk around like most other guys but he didn't want Dean to see how ugly he was. Under his shirt he was covered is scars, they would definitely bring up questions Sam wasn't ready to answer, not yet. His hand automatically covered the biggest scar and he shuddered at the thought of anyone seeing those marks, let alone Dean.

Dean noticed Sam's mood change and saw the gloom seem to settle over him, that haunted look was in his eyes again and Dean hated it, he decided today he would make sure that look stayed gone all day. After the downed their drinks Dean pushed Sam and ran towards the pool shouting "race you."

They both tumbled into the large pool together laughing and earning them a warning from the lifeguard, still it achieved what Dean wanted, that haunted look was gone. They spent the morning goofing around and trying out the may slides and Dean spent most his time questioning Sam. He couldn't understand his desire to know all there was to know about the other guy but he couldn't learn enough. He wasn't really the type of guy that asked questioned people, they either offered up information themselves or it came up in conversation. He always took the stance of they will tell me if they want me to know, if not they wont, but he rarely asked questions unless it called for it, like asking after someones friend or family out of politeness. 

With Sam it was different, he wanted to know stuff about him, wanted to see how he felt about things what he thought about what made him happy what made him sad. Sam was a mystery he wanted to solve and the more he learned the more his desire grew. Sam wasn't easy to question, he didn't surrender things easily, he often gave yes or no answers to questions that required a more detailed response. Still Dean found it fun trying to get better answers from him. It gave him reasons to push Sam or to poke his ribs, he was finding various way to touch Sam today and was loving every innocent touch.

They both were treading water in a part of the pool away from the groups of people and Dean splashed Sam enjoying how he looked all wet, "so how come you never been to a place like this before?"

Sam smiled shaking the water out of his eyes, "well um mum was always too busy, kinda just never had time."

Sam was enjoying the time with Dean but all the questions were uncomfortable, he didn't even mind them all that much it was more that he felt like he was lying to Dean. He found it difficult talking about his past because there was so much that he knew would seem strange to others and he didn't want to explain about his dad.

"So it was just you and your mum?" Dean noticed the way Sam tensed and regretted asking, "hey looks its cool if you don't want to talk."

Sam felt like an idiot and shrugged, "i..its fine, jut not something i talk about, erm shouldn't we be meeting my mum and your dad for lunch?"

Dean allowed the subject change mentally filing away that Sam was uncomfortable when it came to talking bout his dad, "yeah we should but first i wanna show you the caves, wont be so many people there seeing as its lunch time.

"The caves? " Sam was already following Dean towards a large waterfall.

"yeah through here the caves are made to look like mermaid caves or something, its nice and relaxing. " Dean dove under the water swimming under the water fall.

Sam didn't hesitate to follow and when he surfaced Dean was waiting for him, they were in a small cove with water up to their waists and he noticed only two other people were in here and suddenly felt nervous.

Dean grinned and wrapped his hand around Sam's wrist tugging him towards the wall, "come on we can sit here the seats slope back so you can chill out."

Sam fingers twitched as Deans wrapped around his wrist, "oh ok, so people just relax here?" he had a feeling that wasn't all people used this for. The fact that the other two people were now making out confirmed this to him, this seemed like a secluded place for couple to be alone. It must have come out in his voice what he was thinking because Dean started to laugh.

"yeah man, this is a heavy make out spot" Dean laid back getting comfy, "but they will be busted soon enough" he gestured towards the cameras, "they have to make sure no one can drown in here, which means no one can get up to no good in here either."

Sam felt himself flushing as he laid beside Dean, he wondered why they would risk getting caught and embarrassed like that, "have you erm ever been caught in here?"

Dean turned his head to him and smirked, " no, i prefer not to have a number of lifeguards critiquing my make out technique.

"there's a technique to it?" Sam hadn't meant to say that out loud and blushed red as Dean raised his eyebrows.

"Well yeah you don't just go in for the kill right?" Dean eyed Sam and noticed how embarrassed he looked felt shock a realisation dawned on him, "you never made out with anyone?" He couldn't help but laugh with surprise.

Sam took the question and laugh wrong though and sat up intending to leave but the gentle hand against his shoulder stopped him. Dean was sat up too and almost leaning into his back and Sam felt a little breathless at how close they were. It was darker in the caves and the noise was drowned out by the waterfall and for a moment all he could hear were the sounds of Dean breathing close against his ear.

"Hey, i didn't mean to make fun, its ok, I was just surprised is all" Dean tried to control his voice, it was all too much, he had wanted to be alone with Sam but now he was thinking it was a bad idea. Everything seemed slowed down and he could feel the tension between them building and he didn't trust himself especially as Sam was vulnerable and open right now. 

Sam turned his head slightly confused, "why would that surprise you? you know what a loser i am."

"Your not a loser Sam" Dean looked into those deep eyes and felt like he was drowning, they were so close he was sure Sam could hear his heart beating madly. "Your anything but a loser Sam," he was lost they were too close and Sam wasn't pulling away so he couldn't either. He watched as Sam nervously licked his lips and lost all control as he leaned in closer excitement bursting into his chest at the thought of kissing Sam.

That is when the noise broke the moment and Sam looked startled but Dean was more aware of what was happening, "relax its just the jets, like a large jacuzzi in here." Dean laid back down trying to control his emotions, his heart was pounding in his chest. 

Sam wasn't doing much better he was not an idiot, he was sure Dean had come close to kissing him, but it was impossible, Dean was straight. Lying back Sam tried to ignore just how close he and Dean were, he was doing a good job until he felt Deans little finger caress his slowly. At first he was sure he was imagining things, maybe the bubbles had moved Deans hand causing their fingers to accidentally bump. 

Then he felt it again and felt breathless as he turned to find Dean looking at him, lust in his eyes as he slowly licked his lip. Dean couldn't control himself, he wasn't gay but there was something about Sam that made him forget that. That almost kiss left him hungry for Sam's touch which was why he was now rubbing his finger over Sam's. It was such a small part of them touching and it was causing his whole body to tingle with a need. 

"You know, most couples wait for the bubbles, they hide a lot," Hi voice was deep and husky and he glanced at the couple drawing Sam's attention to them, both looked like the were cuddling. Dean looked back at Sam and licked his lips, "funny that both their hands are no where to be seen, wouldn't you say?" 

Sam managed to tear his gaze away from Dean with some effort, he was suddenly entranced by those lips, wondering if they would soon be on his. As he looked at the couple he noticed the gay looked in too much pleasure to simply be cuddling and Sam realised what Dean was getting at. Is that what he wanted? Sam felt nervous and excited and like he couldn't breathe as he looked back into those eyes which seemed closer now, in fact all of dean was closer and now all of Deans fingers were caressing his.

Dean watched a Sam realised what was happening just across the way, Dean was too lost in lust and need to care much about anything. Right now all he wanted were those long soft fingers wrapped around him and those lips pressed against his and nothing would stop him. 

"Hey Winchester, whose your boyfriend?"

Dean cursed under his breath as he recognised those voices, he slowly put distance between him and Sam to not make it obvious and turned to see the last people he wanted to see moving towards them. 

Tom, mike and chad, his classmates.

Ok so maybe there were some things that would stop him.

ok so sorry it took so long to update, lots going on but i will continue with this story even if the breaks between seem long. Let me know what you think, I know maybe they seem to be moving fast, but there is a sexual attraction one that dean fights esp when he is not able to get lost in Sam. They wont actually get together for a long time yet but i wanted to explore how Sam make dean feel when he doesn't have to worry about what other think. As for Sam i think e are all seeing his first crush develop and he isn't even that aware of it for a while. Anyway let me know what you think, next chapter we meet tom, mike and chad and it will be awkward for all. 


	4. an update on this fic

Hi just to let you know I am going to be continuing this story soon, I stopped writing for lots of reasons but have started again now. I have started a new series which is AU Jared and Jensen and it has got me wanting to finish this fic. I am going to re do it all and see if my wonderful Beta reader can work on this fic too. That said I am not going to post it until i have a good amount of chapters written so it isn't so long between updates. I get asked a lot about this fic so wanted to let you know it will be re posted. Thanks for your support.

Mark


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